super rad

so sometime yesterday someone i hate sooooo much brought to my attention that i should "blog" more often. i said blog, blog what? god i hate you person. when she popped that question i felt almost as cheesy as if i were standing in a crowded party talking about a new myspace photo. either way, i woke up today and im in one of those rare moods where i just want to type or write or blog or just tell you how rad shit is when you're professionally awesome.

soooo.... the last week has been pretty damn amazing. i arrived in florida on my best friends bday. on my flight here some man died mid flight. me, being about 5 mini bottles of jack deep, decided to inform the plane that i was an EMT (im totally not, but close) and i would handle the situation. so i stumble back to dead guy and check his pulse. homie is so dead. no pulse and he is super cold. i told them, yeah, hes dead. they all looked at me like, fix him. kinda awkward. so that was my flight to this amazing land. alex picked me up and we went straight to the strip club to meet john. he was pretty suprised when i showed up. we then went on a strip club tour and delivered my usual pattenend game of "throw the crumpled dollar bill as hard as you can at the chick making sex to the pole" (name of game in progress) needless to say, that went over extremely well. we leave scarletts at 6am in johns new truck. its a friggen semi truck. like a real, full on semi truck. the damn thing has 8 tvs and a 4 inch wide lcd screen for a rear veiw mirror which i did not know about till the next day. on the way home (about a 35 min drive) i am in the bed of the truck super hammered and making out with some girl. i dont remember any of this. little did i know, but the rear view camera over looks the bed of the truck. so all 6 people in the truck are watching me, on 8 tvs, roll around the back of this truck. the next day, i sit in side the truck and realize that the camera overlooked the bed of the truck. john and crew started laughing. soooo.... we head back to casa de royal (15,000 sq ft morracan palace). we get home and im suprised to see that my old room is finished. gold ceiling, hot pink floor, green and pink wallpaper and a gold bed. i know, but you should see the rest of the house. trust me when i say this, its the most amazing place youve ever seen. i wake up in my old bed and stand naked at the window, overlooking the pool, the 30 ft tiki hut and the 8th hole of the golf course.

so that was day one.

day 2 was guys night out. im not telling you shit about that night, so get over it.

day 3 we went downtown. a little pre turkey day bonanza. im drinking jack in the ride there, standing in the semi truck super excited like a crippled kid getting his first bj. we get to the table and i imeaditly start drinking from the bottle and then john orders about 30 shots of so co lime. im hammered, dancing, and hugging old friends i havnt seen in 6 months. we head to the back bar to go order more shots. on the way there, a fight breaks out. let me tell you about my friends. john is 6ft 4 and 230. pretty much the strongest man alive. archie is 6ft 5 and is the craziest person ive ever met. put it this way, ive seen him knock out well over 50 people. its amazing. cook, cook is black and is the group bodyguard. hes 6ft 6 and about 330. then theres me. 140lbs of pure terror. sooooo... a fight breaks out. john runs over there and chokes some dude out. we all run over and start punching everything in sight. pretty sure my drunk ass punched cook, which i appologized for later. not like it mattered, you cant hurt that big fuck. archie knocked out 2 people and i threw a chair for no apparent reason. we take shots and head back to the table. archie grabs the bottle and pounds it. he goes for a little walk around, with the bottle. i follow him. we get near the bathroom and some jackass grabs archie by the throat. archie punched him and i kicked his legs out. he went down and from what im told (dont remember this) i beat him like a red headed step child and archie stood there, drinking vodka and laughing. the rest of the night is a complete blur. last night i was informed that i was standing on the table, inside the ice bucket, dancing and pouring vodka at anyone who got near me. wow. shit just keeps getting better. i cant type anymore, john is outback, naked in a lucha libre mask. hahaha.

LA tuff guys

So after leaving the roosevelt pool party night swim, josh and i stopped for some pizza. After getting our 2 delicious slices of cheese we looked for the crushed red pepper. We noticed a container of it in the back of the resturaunt at a table with some fat gay queer ass clown, his douchy friend and a fat beat indie girl. we politly walked over and asked for the tasty crushed fun stuff but we were shocked when fat queer ass clown denied us rights to the pepper. a tug of war pursed and ended when i asked the staff to tell ass clown to give it up what he did not own. next thing we know, douchy friend has a bitch fit and wants to fight everyone. we laughed pretty hard as his fat girlfriend held him back while he pretened to play tuff guy. i mean if he really wanted some, he could have got passed the fat cow he puts himself inside of. i asked him to meet me outside but was later dissapointed when he failed to take me up on it. what a pussy. la is funny and so are these half ass tuff indie fuck holes. you kids are a joke, i wouldnt piss on your face if your teeth were on fire.
jeffdukelovesyou.